Crossing Over

So, for any of you that still read this…next month is going to mark 2 and half years in Florida. I cannot believe how time has gone by but secondly how much growth has happen in my life. I am so overwhelmed by the love of the father. Blessing after blessing he has given me. So, I look at all that I have experienced and I ask myself, “was it worth it?” YES!!

So, whats happen as of late, well lets see..

1. I’ve moved 5 times

2. Close friends have moved on

3. New Church

4. 2 new youth pastors

5. 2 new jobs

6. New friends!

7. New adventures

Is it still worth it? Yup!!

So where am I now? Well, I am coming on year 4 of walking out of the lifestyle! PRAISE GOD! God has lavished grace on me and I am so grateful that he does. Now, its time to cross over to the next Journey. I have no clue where it will take me but life in Florida will change to, Life where will I end up next?! lol jk but really.

I am glad that I experienced all that I have these last years, but I am more excited about the journey that is about to take place…Moving forward, still growing, still learning, still receiving…

So here’s what I want you to do, God helping you: Take your everyday, ordinary life—your sleeping, eating, going-to-work, and walking-around life—and place it before God as an offering. Embracing what God does for you is the best thing you can do for him. Don’t become so well-adjusted to your culture that you fit into it without even thinking. Instead, fix your attention on God. You’ll be changed from the inside out. Readily recognize what he wants from you, and quickly respond to it. Unlike the culture around you, always dragging you down to its level of immaturity, God brings the best out of you, develops well-formed maturity in you. Romans 12:1-2 (The Message)

The other day  a great friend shard this scripture with me. It hit me so hard that it has altered the way I live. I love when God’s word does that. I love how it challenges you to live differently. In EVERYTHING I do may it be an offering to the Lord. This is so hard, because I love to live for myself and I want everything to be about me. Its my feelings, its my emotions, its my life and frankly ITS NOT! My life is HIS!Its so humbling to understand and see that where God has placed me. I need to have joy and not gripe or complain because there is the bigger picture that he wants me to see. I have spent the last year of my life fighting what “culture” thinks I should be and have discovered who my Heavenly King wants me to be. What the world intended for evil He has turned around for good. Now is my time. No more insecurity holding me back from moving. No more fear crippling the voice inside of my that is crying to come out. Its time to mature up and answer the call he has placed on my life. Time to live audaciously with no regrets. Join me! Fight with me! Now is the time we take back what the enemy stole from us and reclaim it for the Lords Glory!

I love this song! May you be blessed as I was.

Change

Change is all around and I don’t know what to do? Change has been the very thing that has been the theme my life this last year. Change is hard, change is new but I HATE CHANGE! So much change my head cannot wrap around what is going on. So much change I want to give up. Change makes you run to the old and forget the new. Change brings up wounds that you never knew. Change makes you think that much harder at life. Change is emotional. Change is resistance. Changes is always happening. How do I deal with change? The old will never be once more, he is dead. Change will not be the death of me but the very thing that drives me to pursue life that much harder. Change will challenge me to think differently and man up. Change will define new life experiences and expose new and uncharted paths. Change will thrust me into the wild. Change is my reality and change is me.

“Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, the new creation has come. The old has gone, the new is here” This is the change that is meant to be!

The pit

The bottom of the pit is a reality I hate experiencing. It’s the most honest and real place that I find myself. So many ropes have been tossed down to me to pull me up, so much grace, mercy, love desiring me to get out of this pit. Have I lost the meaning of help? Have I been that much involved in myself pity that I can’t see the help? No! My answer is that being in this pit keeps me safe and shadowed from the outside, shadowed from off the pain, and the reality of life.

Being shadowed is not the answer; yes its the most easy one but the refreshing part of coming out is seeing those who are just waiting patiently for you to come up with grace, love and mercy still extended as when they tossed down the rope…

The Ragamuffin Gospel

GRACE!! Do we truly understand it? Or have our minds been under some cloudy dust that has caused us to forget what it really is? The word is used to much in our society that I often wonder if we have lost the meaning? Manning in his book shares a insert from Paul Tillich work, Shaking the Foundations.

“Grace strikes us when we are in great pain and restlessness. It strikes us when we walk through the dark valley of a meaningless and empty life… It strikes us when, year after year, the longed-for perfection does not appear, when the old compulsions reign within us as they have for decades, when we despair destroys all joy and courage. Sometimes at the moment a wave of light break into our darkness, and it is a though a voice were saying, ‘you are accepted. You are accepted, accepted by that which is greater that you, and the name of which you do not know. Do not ask for the name now; perhaps you will find it later. Do not try to do anything now; perhaps later you will do much. do not seek for anything, do not perform anything, do not intend anything. simply accept the fact that you are accepted.’ If that happens to us, we experience grace.”

I am accepted.
I am made complete.
I am new.
I am loved.
I am His.
I am worth it!
I am saved.
I am free.
I am accepted!

Luke 10

Jesus Visits Martha and Mary

38 As Jesus and the disciples continued on their way to Jerusalem, they came to a certain village where a woman named Martha welcomed him into her home. 39 Her sister, Mary, sat at the Lord’s feet, listening to what he taught. 40 But Martha was distracted by the big dinner she was preparing. She came to Jesus and said, “Lord, doesn’t it seem unfair to you that my sister just sits here while I do all the work? Tell her to come and help me.”
41 But the Lord said to her, “My dear Martha, you are worried and upset over all these details! 42 There is only one thing worth being concerned about. Mary has discovered it, and it will not be taken away from her.”

I don’t want my life to be ever consumed by tasks or life details, that I miss the joy of sitting at my saviors seat.

Are you seating at his feet? or are you running around missing the opportunity that He is presenting to you?

“Big Fish”

Well, my time in the “Big Fish” has come to and end. Wow I cannot believe its been a year since I’ve moved to Florida. I am so grateful for the opportunity’s that God has so graciously given to me. God has been so sovereign through this entire process, from all my wounds, tears, hurts, struggles and pain he has been at my side as he refines me into the image of His Son everyday. Choosing to live a life of Holiness has been the most refreshing things I have ever done. After knowing Christ, it’s the best decision I’ve ever made. I am so thankful for everyone one who has supported me through this journey, even those who do not agree with what I have chosen. I know I have been called to greatness and to a higher calling and it started by knowing Christ as Lord of my life. I have learned so much from my mentor out here, words cannot express how thankful I am that these doors were open. A very good friend and I have this joke sort of that has kept us moving all around the country as we discover life change, boxes! I know strange, but ever since I’ve started college I have lived out of boxes for about 6 years and never tossed them out, I mean sure I’ve had new ones and more durable ones because of all my moving, but its been a reminder of the places I’ve been and to the places I am going. I am excited to embark on a new chapter of life. It’s time to be spewed out to the world. Hence the “big fish,” and really discover all that God has to offer in this life. Yes, everyday I will choose to live for him and not my own natural evil intentions, but as a good friend reminded me, I need to walk humbly before the Lord as I journey forward in pursuit of holiness.

My Prayer is this, God continue to refine me as I live out what you have called me to be. Continue to shower me with your grace and mercy that I may advance your kingdom by the very steps that I take in this life. Lord, guide and watch over me with your eye and guide me with your right hand. Gracious king, humble me that others may see your humility that led you to the cross. Help me to live and love others like you. Thank for every opportunity of growth. I trust you and live out my faith like I do.

Amen

Moving Forward

These days I have to keep reminding myself of this. “matt, you have come so far, don’t give up!” Ever since my program in the big fish has ended, I have felt this sense of searching. Searching to understand if this is the place I am to belong to? or is this the place that was just meant for a season in my life. Which ever the case may be, I need to move forward. All, I know is that I am at a place of complete surrender to God because it’s the only thing I know to do because I know he is control and I am not. I never would have thought that walking away from the homosexual lifestyle would be this easy, the difficult part has been everything else in my life but this issue, but God has been faithful through this entire process of growth. That’s what I keep telling myself, you came out here to grow and I have. Now I am just at a place on my journey that I need to apply all that I have learned. I know that God has me in the wilderness continuing to remind me that He is God and I am not. I know that through this time God is sovereign even through my inconsistency.

Moving forward? Is it moment by moment? Does it require drastic change? Is it inward or outward?

Lord, continue to show me your Glory. Continue to show me your majesty of your holy name.

Process…

So, I’ve been in Florida now 6 months. WOW, time has sure flown by. It seems like just yesterday I was unpacking my life here, to experience something that I didn’t know was possible. Can I tell you every little thing that has happened here? yes. Does it really matter? maybe. Was the experience worth everything? YES! Let me tell you why, In these last 6 months I discovered and experienced Christ on a dramatically different level then ever before. I learned so many things about myself because I took a risk. I know that maybe sound very prideful, but I took action for my life and fought for my growth. The was I look at now is, that yes I was a sinner, but Christ in his redeeming power has saved me from my death that I richly deserve. So what now? I don’t think learning will ever stop, sure new experience may come and new challenges may arise, but one thing remains the same, Christ is the same yesterday, today and forever, and I live for that alone because of the transformation that he has begun and only he will complete.

Growth

I am overwhelmed by the love of the father. I’ve been blessed with a full-time job here in Orlando. This journey of growth has been one of the most challenging parts of my life, but at the same time it has been the most satisfying time of my life. I am never ever going to get another opportunity like this, and I love soaking up every minute of it. God, is amazing! I know that it sounds cliche because it used to much, but I have discovered His Glory and Majesty in a whole new level. His love has become a reality that I have never experienced before. Being broken before the Lord has been the most humbling things in my life and I have stay there. You see for me its not just a homosexuality thing anymore, its about holiness. Pursing God and living a holy life in a way that he has called to us live. I am being constantly challenged this new year to have that mentality always.

Pressing forward…